One Real Story From Life
One of our daughters was so excited about trying out for the middle school softball team. In sixth grade, she talked about it for weeks—about positions, uniforms, and playing under the lights. But as tryout day got closer, the “what ifs” started getting louder. What if I mess up? What if I’m not good enough?
On the day of tryouts, fear won. She stayed home. That afternoon, my wife and I watched the disappointment settle in. She didn’t need a lecture; she already knew what she’d missed. Instead of treating that decision like it would define her forever, we just encouraged her and kept the door open for “next time.”
In year two, she decided next time had come. She pushed through the nerves, showed up, and tried out. When the list came out, her name wasn’t on it. This time the disappointment was loud—tears, questions, and that quiet ache of “maybe I’m just not good enough.” But somewhere underneath the hurt, she made a quiet decision: “I’m going to work hard and try again next year.”
In her final year of middle school, she tried out one more time. She’d practiced, prepared, and handled the drills well. We really thought this might be the year. But when the list went up, her name still wasn’t on it. Only this time, something had changed in her. She wasn’t crushed. She took a deep breath, lifted her head, and moved on to the next activity with a little hop in her step, because she knew she’d given it everything she had.
Was I disappointed that she didn’t make the team? Honestly, yes. But more than making the roster, I was proud of the way she’d grown. Those tryouts didn’t just test her softball skills; they shaped how she handled fear, failure, and disappointment. Watching her walk away without being defined by the outcome reminded me that in God’s hands, even the days that don’t go how we hoped can grow something strong and steady inside us.
One Key Principle From God’s Word
Romans 5 talks about how pressure and hardship grow perseverance, which in turn develops character and a steady kind of hope. The days we would never choose can become the very places where we grow our believing, develop a greater trust in God and just keep going. He isn’t measuring us by scoreboards or lists. Our consistent, faithful effort grows real, lasting fruit in our lives. My daughter’s journey—from not showing up, to trying and failing, to trying again with courage—looked a lot like that process in real time.
Identity comes before outcomes. In our own lives, and in the lives of our kids and teammates, God’s love and calling do not rise and fall with whether we make the list.
As parents and leaders, we get to echo that truth. When we walk with people through disappointment, we can quietly remind them: This result matters, but it doesn’t define you. God is still at work, and this is part of the growing process.
Honest Reflections From a Dad’s Seat
Walking through those three years of tryouts with my daughter has stayed with me, both as a dad and as someone who wants to lead well at home and at work. A few reflections:
- How we respond to disappointment teaches more than how we respond to success. I would have celebrated with her if she’d made the team, but the deeper lessons came on the days when she didn’t. That’s true in families and on teams—people are watching what we do when things don’t go our way.
- Courage isn’t the absence of fear; it’s showing up anyway. In sixth grade, fear kept her from even going. By eighth grade, fear was still there, but it no longer got the final vote. Growth rarely means the nerves disappear; it means they stop driving the decision.
- Good leadership separates outcome from value. My role wasn’t to guarantee a spot on the team; it was to sit with her in the “no,” acknowledge that it hurt, and still affirm her effort, growth, and worth. In workplaces and homes, people need that same combination of honesty and steady encouragement when something they hoped for doesn’t work out.
One Simple Step for This Week
To build hearts, homes, and leaders right where you are, try this:
Walk with someone through one disappointment in a way that grows courage instead of shrinking it.
- Pick one real situation.
Think of a specific place where you or someone close to you recently faced a “no”: a team, a role, an opportunity, or a conversation that didn’t go the way you hoped. - Talk honestly about what hurt.
Name what was hard or disappointing in clear, simple language. Give space for questions and emotion instead of rushing to, “It’s fine.” - Name what grew.
Ask, “What did you do differently this time? Where did you show courage? What did you learn?” Put into words the progress you see, even if the outcome was the same. - Agree on one next step.
Choose a concrete action that reflects faithfulness more than guarantees: practicing a skill, asking for feedback, signing up again, or exploring a different opportunity instead of quitting altogether.
You may not be able to control the list, the decision, or the scoreboard. But you can help shape the kind of person who walks away—whether it’s a “yes” or a “no”—with a steady heart that keeps trusting God and keeps showing up.
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